I’m finally at the big cliffhanger of the first half of the season (and yes, I know everyone else has already watched the entire season, but some of us have to go on quests for poppy seeds and vanilla beans in order to watch an episode). To celebrate, I’m having a little tea party with earl grey lattes and tea biscuits from the Official Bridgerton Guide to Entertaining. For more info on the cookbook itself, check out this blog post. I’m going to remind you there are spoilers, but we both know at this point, you know more about this show than I do.

Episode Recap: Old Friends

We kick off this episode at the Featherington homestead, where Lord Debling gives Pen a plant so she “might continue to enjoy nature from her windowsill”, while the other Featherington ladies eavesdrop. (I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again Debling remains the most interesting person in this whole show.) Mama Featherington introduces Pen’s sisters to him, and the smirk on Pen’s face is incredibly satisfying. It is established that Pen likes to sit and read by a particular window because she likes the view. You know, the one that looks right at Bridgerton house and Colin. But that fact won’t become an important plot point later on at all. We know how those Bridgerton writers really embrace subtlety.

Meanwhile, Colin is having another chat with his Mommy and the topic of friendship blooming into love comes up. Violet knows exactly what’s what with her baby, and if we are frustrated after watching this for 3 seasons, imagine how she’s feeling after years of this nonsense.

More side plots:

• Benedict is banging the widow.
• Lady Danbury is already sick of her wife-hunting brother.
• The Queen and her choosing Francesca as her “sparkler”.
• Francesca “no fucks to give” Bridgerton and her callers. (She just wants a man who won’t talk to her. After too much time with online dating, I can completely understand.)
• The Mondrichs’ struggle with their newfound wealth—the most unwanted of the endless subplots.

Now we’re at a ball, I mean library? I’m as shocked as you are. Pen is trying to be normal and look at books, but Mama Featherington insists she make Lord Debling explain things to her, so he won’t feel “superfluous and unmanned.”

The Bridgerton familia is there along with Francesca’s Queen-Selected-Suitor, Sideburns. (There are too many people in this show, so I’m not learning new names at this point.)  Colin sees Pen with Debling and he finally gets to be the one pining. Eloise makes a beeline for Cressida, who looks as though her puppy just died. She’s worried her Dad will marry her off to one of his ancient friends. Elosie makes a joke, because god forbid she read the room for once. Colin’s douchebag friends invite him to pursue some “revelry” or as we call them “whores”. He agrees because he’s as dense as a box of rocks.

Pen and Lord Debling chat about books, and Pen tells him that her favorites are love stories, and when he asks her why, she says:

“They are histories of connection, of hope for a better life.”

And we are reminded again of how little love Pen has had in her life—not just the romantic kind, but of having genuine connection with others. Debling tries to gauge whether she’d be interested in a relationship where he is out traveling the world and she tends the estate. Pen says that if she had her own interests, perhaps both people could be happy. And in a roundabout way, he asks Pen if she’d say yes to his proposal. She looks over at Colin “Clueless” Bridgerton who thinks hookers are a smarter choice then facing his feelings, and gives Debling a clever, hopeful response.

Colin is back again with the threesomes and these ladies have surprisingly nice teeth for prostitutes. He realizes his heart has grown 3 sizes and he can’t go through with it, so he just watches them go at it with each other. Again, why is Lord Debling not the right choice?

More subplots—because god forbid we spend any time with the people we are really here for:

• Francesca is out with Mama Bridgerton and runs into the one man she enjoys spending even a minute with. They have an awkward exchange where Francesca makes a comment about the music being played by a street performer being better suited in another key signature, then he runs off.
• Eloise goes to visit Cressida in the mausoleum she lives in. Turns out Daddy Cowper has forbidden Cressida to associate with Eloise, but the only surprising thing was that Eloise actually noticed Cressida was having a hard time.
• The Mondrichs, again. Is there a single person who enjoys this subplot? Bueller?

Colin is hanging out with his douchebag friends again. I think he loses IQ points for every hour he spends with them. It would explain so many things. He makes the mistake of trying to tell them that it’s shallow and stupid to reduce everything down to sex, but they just laugh. Colin, you have two brothers who are not complete asshats, you don’t need these douchecanoes. He goes home full of liquor and angst.

Debling asks Mama Featherington for permission to propose to Pen. Mama is hella excited, but Pen looks terrified. Even if she fully believes she can never have a future with Colin, home girl still pines away for a real love story and not just a mutually beneficial partnership. When Mama finds out Pen wants to hold out for love, her response is, “this is the very reason why I discouraged you from reading. Love is make-believe. It is only in your storybooks.” She says that security is romantic (so is taking out the trash and doing the dishes, but no one in this world does that). Mama states she’ll be smart for Pen even if Pen won’t be for herself.

Colin is chatting with his Mommy again and is in a little bitch mood. He plans to stay home from the ball. You can tell Violet has realized that this child is so clueless she really needs to step in (at least a little). She tells him he’s sensitive and always worries about making other people happy and he needs to live for himself (but more poetically). He says he’s hungover and needs a nap (but more poetically). She tells him Pen is likely to get a proposal from Debling tonight. Then she twists the knife and said it’s because of his help.

Now we’re back at a ball, because that’s where all Bridgerton roads lead. And there’s a love ballet featuring a half half-naked guy with some beige tights that leave little to the imagination. Afterwards, Pen and Debling start dancing. Violet and Bro Danbury chat and discuss their kids, including Francesca and her disinterest in courting. We really need a season where we see Violet’s original love story, then her new one.

More of the Queen/Danbury/Lady Mondrich plus Benedict’s side plot with his side piece. Cressida and Eloise chat (like real friends). Did I just yawn?

Colin sits at home and we get a montage of his memories of Pen – and not a single one from all the years these “old friends” have known each other. Just the bits from this season. One of the biggest problems I’ve had with writing so far is that we’ve been beaten over the head that these two have been good friends since they were children. We’ve never had a single flashback to see that play out, and there have only been a few small references to actual interactions they had back then. They told us they had this long, close relationship. But they never showed us how that flourished over the years. Never showed Colin remembering their past and maybe seeing things differently after the kiss. So much wasted opportunity to really ratchet up the stakes and earn this friends-to-lovers story progression. Such lazy writing. Because they didn’t have to introduce a new character (like with previous seasons) they didn’t develop the backstory and focused instead on so many unnecessary sideplots.

Francesca meets that only guy she can stand and he brings her a gift of sheet music. It’s a rearranged version of the song she complained about. Where was this guy when I was in music school? Could have saved me so much time. Francesca is as excited as she can be and ignores Sideburns and his lemonade because she’s clearly made her choice.

Colin has left his angst-ridden study and arrived at the ball. He ignores offers from his douchebag friends to leave and pushes his way inside. Pen is inside dancing with Debling and asks him if he could possibly grow to love someone, but he doesn’t know if there is room in his heart for things beyond his work. Colin materializes and interrupts them. Debling says:

“it appears you two have something to resolve”.

Oh sweetie, you have no damn idea. The ballroom starts chattering about this obvious faux pas, while Cressida rushes to take an opportunity to snag Debling, who would likely be her perfect match. She picks up the dance where Pen left, off and tells Debling how close Polin are and that it’s been that way since they moved in across the street. Then it clicks with Debling why Pen spends so much time by her window. How long did Eloise know Pen and didn’t put that little tidbit together? Debling knows more about Pen after a couple days than all the people who have known Pen for years.

Colin and Pen dance, and she loses her shit that he is ruining her potential proposal. Colin tells her that she can’t marry Debling. Pen tells him that she’s going to accept the proposal. They argue. Pen chases after Debling. When she catches up to him, Debling asks why she looks out that particular window all the time and asks about her feelings for Colin. Again, he’s been in this series for 5 minutes, and throwing down shit, literally every other person should already have said. She assures him that Colin would never have feelings for her and they are just friends. Debling asks if she would like it to be more than a friendship. Pen can’t answer. Debling says he can’t be with someone who’s affections are elsewhere and wishes her luck. He leaves and Mama Featherington shows up and asks where Debling has gone and what Pen has done. Pen is heartbroken and asks why her mom can’t be bothered to ask if she’s well and if she only matters when she has a lord’s engagement ring on her finger. Pen leaves the ball and calls for her carriage. Colin runs out and chases after her carriage.

Just to break up the suspense, we switch over to Francesca who’s been won over by sheet music.  Then Benedict’s sexy time. Sigh.

Finally, Colin catches up to Pen’s carriage and he begs her to let him in. She is angry and can barely look at him. He asks if Debling proposed. She tells that Debling rejected her because of him and how the scene he caused made Debling believe Colin had feelings for her. She tells him to shut the fuck up (but more poetically).

“What if I did have feelings for you?”

he says, explaining that he’s been thinking about her and their kiss constantly. He even dreams of her and it’s like torture, but he wouldn’t give it up. Pen wants so badly to believe him, but she is terrified of getting her hopes up. She begs him not to say things he doesn’t mean. He tells her he’s been wanting to say this for weeks. She’s processing all this and says, “but we’re friends”. And you see him trying to compose himself because he thinks she’s rejecting him. Before he can retreat, she tells him “But I’d very much like to be more than friends…so much more.” They lean in and make out.

Things get hot and heavy and Colin puts all those skills he learned with the hookers to use, putting his hands under Pen’s dress, which she clearly enjoys. Suddenly they are at Bridgerton house way to soon, and Colin jokes “could the carriage driver not keep on driving?” They laugh and the joy on Pen’s face is such a contrast to how she’s looked for so many episodes of this show. Colin leaves the carriage, offers his hand and asks if she’s going to join him. Pen is confused about people seeing her and we get Colin’s big proposal:

“For God’s sake, Penelope Featherington. Are you going to marry me or not?”

That’s exactly the type of romantic proposal we all dream of.

This scene is saved by Nicola Coughlan’s amazing acting chops. Her expression so perfectly captures the moment someone realizes their most secret, impossible wish is coming true. It’s beautiful and my favorite part of this episode.

the verdict

We’ve finally made it to the moment our couple officially gets together, and it feels kind of hollow. First, we’ve spent way too much time in these four episodes focused on so.many.other.people. Second, as I mentioned earlier, we’ve never gotten a glimpse of Polin when they were young. We never experienced their friendship and closeness. This would have felt so much more satisfying if we’d seen that progression. Nope, we needed to watch Benedict bang a widow and the Mondrichs have rich people problems instead.  I’m hoping the second half of the season is more Polin and less of pretty much everything else.

What did you think of the first half of the season?
Did you feel like it was a bit of a letdown, or were you satisfied with how things developed?

recipes

I figured I should round out my cookbook review with at least one tea inspired recipe and a baked good. So, we’re having a “Breakfast Visit with the Bridgertons” and exploring two recipes from Chapter 1.

In true Bridgerton fashion, we’ll give these a diamond rating:

Meyer Lemon and Poppy Seed Tea Biscuits

from Chapter 1: A Breakfast Visit with the Bridgertons

Ingredients:

• 1/3 cup plus 1 Tbsp Milk
• 2 Tbsp fresh Meyer lemon juice
• 1 cup all-purpose flour, plus additional for dusting
• 1 cup whole wheat flour
• 1 ¼ tsp baking powder
• 1 Tbsp poppy seeds: $5.99
• ½ tsp kosher salt
• ½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, at room temperature
• 1 cup confectioners’ sugar
• 1 Tbsp finely grated fresh Meyer lemon zest

Total Cost for purchased ingredients: $5.99

This recipe called for a 3-inch heart shaped cookie cutter – and I had no idea how you measure that. I assumed across the wide top part of the heart, but since there were no pictures for this recipe, I just grabbed the cookie cutter I had and let Jesus take the wheel. The recipe says it makes 32, but I ended up with 27. I chose this recipe because I had most of the ingredients and felt like it would pair nicely with the London Fog Latte recipe.

To start, I don’t know where people find mythical Meyer lemons. I see them in all kinds of baked things, and never find them in the grocery. Google has told me they have a less sour taste than normal lemons, but that seemed to be the only difference. So after not finding any, I ended up substituting regular lemon in this recipe. As someone who bakes frequently, after reading the ingredients, I was skeptical. Two tablespoons of lemon juice and 1 tablespoon of lemon zest for over 2 dozen cookies, is not a lot of lemon flavor for something that has lemon as a main descriptor. The half all-purpose flour, and half whole wheat also seemed questionable. I wanted so badly to make changes, but for my dedicated readers, I followed this recipe as is.

In terms of rolling out the dough – even after refrigeration, this dough is a sticky mofo and you will need a lot of flour for dusting. Without pictures as a guide, I wasn’t sure the exact doneness or texture they were going for. I cooked some a little more and some a bit less. Turns out it made no difference.

verdict

These are sad, sad cookies. They should be shaped into little broken hearts. As I anticipated, there is not even a hint of lemon anywhere. It tastes of sadness and poppy seeds. The texture isn’t bad – not crispy and not too soft—just a bit of a chew. It’s not sweet either. It’s like if a poppy seed cracker had an affair with a lackluster butter cookie. These desperately needed a boost of flavor—more fruit, vanilla or almond extract—anything. They were salvageable with a bit of jam but were an absolute waste of ingredients. More lemon juice, a bit of vanilla extract, some dried lemon peel, and using all-purpose flour only (instead of the blend) would be adjustments I’d make to improve this.

London Fog Lattes

from Chapter 1: A Breakfast Visit with the Bridgertons

Ingredients:

• 1 cup water
• 2 earl Grey tea bags
• ¾ cup low-fat or whole milk
• 2 to 3 Tbps of Vanilla Bean-Honey Syrup
  • 1/3 cup sugar
  • 1/3 cup honey
  • 2/3 cup water
  • ½ vanilla bean, spit and the seeds scraped: $16.99

Total Cost for purchased ingredients: $16.99

We all know I couldn’t get out of reviewing this cookbook without an actual tea recipe. The London Fog Lattes were relatively simple and only called for one pantry ingredient I didn’t already have—vanilla beans. Unfortunately, vanilla beans cost a small fortune. I also knew in my heart, that it was unlikely they’d make a huge difference in this particular recipe, and I could substitute vanilla bean paste or extract for a fraction of the price. But for you, dear readers, I have to go the distance.,

Just like the Bourbon Smash recipe I posted about with episode 1, the picture and the quantities posted seemed off. This recipe is for 1 serving. Note the dainty teacups in the book photo. This recipe wants you to steep 2 tea bags in there with a cup of water – which is going to be all of that cup, then add 2-3 tablespoons of the honey syrup you create, then froth up ¾ cup of milk to top it off. Does that math seem off to anyone else?

I grabbed my own vintage teacup and steeped the tea bags. Knowing what I needed to add, I left room at the top. I opted for 2 Tablespoons of the syrup, but as suspected I could only use a fraction of the milk and foam.

verdict

The flavor was fine. Earl grey with a little sweetness and milk. The honey syrup was less sweet than I expected, but despite making it ahead and letting the vanilla bean sit in it for a couple days, I couldn’t taste the vanilla flavor. I tried the syrup on its own, and I tried it in coffee. Still, just tasted like nice honey syrup. If I didn’t make it or see the vanilla bean sitting inside the jar, I would never have guessed there were other flavors.

If you like earl grey tea, you’ll likely enjoy this. The flavors are good for what they are, but I had to give it to two stars because the quantities are off for the picture, and because the vanilla bean doesn’t add much and has less expensive substitutions that would likely work even better. I did think the simple syrup is a nice offering for a brunch or tea party, instead of a regular sugar pot. I’d make it again, but use vanilla bean paste or extract instead of the bean.

I think I’ve tried out enough recipes that I can give a solid review of the Official Bridgerton Guide to Entertaining, so that will be coming up soon. But what about the second half of the season, you ask? I’m rebelling Lady Whistledown style, and pairing the remaining episodes with The Unofficial Bridgerton Cookbook by Lex Taylor. Then we can have a throwdown and see if following the rules, or breaking them, tastes better.

Are you a big tea drinker or more of a coffee aficionado?